The Girl Ain't Right, Y'all

I am on a blogging roll! After being away from it for so long, it seems almost strange to be posting again. I still wonder about the usefulness of my blog, with it's whopping 70 "followers", which, by the way, is totally creepy wording.

I'm posting today for two reasons. First, and most importantly, I'm posting because every day, when I come to catch up on friend's blogs (another thing I'm starting to do again), right across from my blog roll is a picture of my Sasha. And every time I see it, I am reminded, like a slap in the face, that she's gone for real. Silly maybe, but I just can't keep looking at that picture.

I'm finally feeling more like myself after the horrible weekend. Sunday afternoon, I had a teensy little meltdown, and then I cried myself to sleep that night. Doesn't sound like much, but I practically never cry. Unless I'm really mad or really frustrated. But almost never.

Then on Monday I did as close to nothing as possible, if you don't count the spur-of-the-moment trip to Taco Bell for lunch. It wasn't until Monday afternoon that I realized I was border-line depressed, another emotion that rarely affects me. I also realized that it was in large part due to my DOG. Really??? As irritating as it is to admit, I was in a total funk b/c of losing Sasha.

Well, maybe not just her, but losing my dog was the proverbial last straw, I think, after months of house selling/waiting/planning/waiting/packing/waiting... Whatever. Anyway, I gave myself the "It is what it is" speech (a.k.a., put your big girl panties on and deal with it), and while I do feel more like myself now, I would rather not have that picture to greet me every day. Wow, I went the long way around to say all that.

The second reason I'm posting is to say out loud that I'm pretty sure I'm crazy. Probably not a news flash to y'all, but seriously, I'm not "right".

The reason I know this is because my house - my life at the moment - is turned completely upside down, I'm days away from moving out of my house, I'm scraping by on leftovers and Taco Bell, my children are fending for themselves almost totally, and I don't have a surface in my home bigger than two square feet on which to cook, eat, write, etc... and I have an overwhelming urge to plan out a month's worth of menus.

I also really, really want to implement the new filing system we have. I want to get out all our papers, spread them out, and file, toss, file, toss. Not just that, but I want to make a new budget. Mark has decided that because we're building a house, we are now dirt poor and should spend nothing. Ever again. So don't tell him about Taco Bell. He wants us to adopt the envelope system, and I'm all for it. So obviously right now, today, would be the perfect time to implement that, right?

Seriously, what is WRONG with me? Why is my brain always a few steps ahead of what is actually transpiring? I've been trying to figure it out, and I think that I'm just so ready to be done, that my brain has rushed off ahead of me and is doing all the things I wish I could do instead of this. I think I need to work hard and knock this moving thing out, because the "low battery" light on my motivation meter is definitely flashing!

So what am I actually going to do? I've got tons of crock-pot meals bookmarked that I will use, along with some old standbys, to make my menu once we get settled. I plan to make a month's worth, something I've not done in forever.

I will take all our papers and pack them into these super nifty file boxes we ran across, and I'll be able to file and make a budget when we're all settled in to our interim housing (sounds better than "our sardine can", which is completely accurate).

Then I will finish this thing, knowing that soon and very soon, I can file and budget and meal plan to my heart's content.

And I can pretty much guarantee you that when that time finally comes, I will have absolutely ZERO interest in doing any of it. Because the girl ain't right, y'all.

Blessings,
Em