Two Things

It's been too long (again) since I blogged, but I finally have something knocking around in this head of mine that I don't want to lose - two, actually - so here goes. I'll not be attempting to make this good writing...let's just call it "jotting", shall we?

First, I've had an epiphany about Christmas. Every year Christmas rolls around and yells, "Hey, Burlesons...Y'ALL BROKE!" That's slang, by the way; the "are" was left out on purpose (so much for jotting). Seriously, nothing can show you how much money you don't have quite like the season of giving.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Christmas. Love, love, love it. Love the baking, love the decorating, love the music, love it. But I'm not going to lie: the gift giving part bugged the crap out of me. NOT because I didn't want to give people things. My reasons were two-fold: One being that I wanted to buy presents but never felt I could do it "right" due to limited funds, and the other being that I hate buying things just for the sake of saying you got a gift. I resented the whole thing and just developed a pretty crappy attitude about it all.

Not only that, but I always strive to have a tranquil, cozy, idyllic Christmas week, and without fail what I end up with is a whirlwind of activity and busyness. Most of this is baking and cookie making for the kids, card making, crafts, etc... Disorder irks me to no end, so I always feel like there is tension, because all the while I'm bustling about, I am working to get to the tranquil part.

This year, though, I finally get it! Yes, it is a huge sacrifice for us to buy gifts for others, as I'm sure it is for most people (and yes, we do plan ahead, put money aside, all that. Still...) Also, it's a sacrifice of time and sanity to bake a gazillion cookies and candies because the kids (and their Daddy) think it's not Christmas until we do. As an adult, the busyness of it all, the pinching pennies...well, it just seems like it takes the magic out of it that I felt as a kid, and I guess that's what I'm always trying to recapture.

But here's the epiphany: It's not about me!!! As a parent, I sacrifice the magic so that I can give that to my children! They're making memories with messy icing and beaded ornaments. They don't feel stressed by knowing all that has to be done yet, they just know how FUN it is to be bustling in the kitchen with Christmas music, driving to see Christmas lights, or opening gifts Christmas day. It's all for them. Actually, this lesson can be applied to motherhood in general, and will change the way I react to sleepovers, softball practices and other such schlepping activities.

And the gift-giving that bugged me? Same story. I've finally realized that the very real sacrifice of it , whether we're talking money or time, is the whole point! What are we celebrating at Christmas, if not the most staggering sacrifice of all time? That Christ would lay his glory aside to willingly dwell among us and ultimately carry our sin bodily to the cross. Are we not emulating him when we give of ourselves sacrificially?

This year, in the midst of all the baking and gift giving and busyness, I'm encapsulated by a deep sense of joy, a feeling of fellowship with Him who gave all. The crappy attitude has been replaced by a sense of anticipation... not much different from that of a child awaiting Christmas day. Seems that by embracing the chaos that I thought was stealing my "magic", I've been given it back in greater measure. Isn't that just like Him?

I guess that the second thing will have to wait till tomorrow. I am incapable of brevity, apparently.

Merriest Christmas to each of you!
Em