No Hurry

Any of you that have read my blog for any length of time will know that periodically, I post about the discipline of focus. One would almost think the Lord was trying to tell me something.

The week after Christmas, I found myself at home a lot. Just being home, doing regular, everyday things. We even managed to do some school. By the end of the week, I realized I'd started to dread the upcoming days of getting back to "normal". After all, this slowed pace, this natural lifestyle of learning, this nowhere to be...THIS is the normal I wanted.

I realized what I was dreading was busyness. I also realize that some busyness can't be avoided. Homeschooling two children while chasing two more, and just the everyday tasks of raising them and caring for our home is enough to keep anyone "busy" all day. That's without any extra activities!

Instead, it was the busyness of my mind that I was dreading. The rush, the hurry, the clipped words, the inability to just be in the moment. The "No, we don't need to drag out paints because we have to get ready to go to so-and-so" (this translates into: you may not make a mess b/c I won't have time to clean it up before we need to go). I wanted to say YES, for crying out loud, just every once in awhile!

When the New Year rolled around, I found myself making a different type of resolution. This year, my resolution had nothing to do with weight, or food, or exercise. Instead, my resolution was and is to refuse to be in a hurry.

What does this look like, in everyday life? For me, it's about identifying the things that pull my mind away from what matters, and making the choice. For example (and there are many), I like my house clean. And if not clean, then at least "straight". When I took an honest look, I was able to see that I spend a large amount of time during the day putting out lots of small "cleaning fires", when it would be just as easy and more efficient to wait and put out the one big fire at the end of the day. Mark has told me for years to just clean the playroom once a day, when it's done being played in, but until now, I just didn't get it.

So I've made huge strides in this area. A few times a day, usually meal times, I do the pressing things like dishes, meal prep, and moving the laundry, but the other things, the truck on the floor or the boots in the hall...well, they wait till evening. The playroom lies in a state of total disarray until after dinner. This frees not just my time, but my mind, to do something else. Something that matters. Like reading to the kids. Like teaching some art, just because my girls love it. Do you know how many years we've not done any art because I couldn't work it in? Sheesh.

I told a friend this morning that I so wish I didn't have to try so hard, that it wasn't such work, to focus on the right things. Before children, I saw myself as a certain type of Mama. In reality, I'm the opposite of what I thought I'd be. To be what I desire, it's a constant battle against my flesh. My nature is neither gentle nor patient. My nature is to hurry, rather than to stop long enough to look into the eyes of a child who needs me to hear them. Some days I've truly questioned why the Lord ever saw fit to give me children at all. I'm thankful, though, that He not only reveals my weaknesses, but leads me in changing them. I know I say this all the time, but He is so merciful to me! I understand more and more that any good in me is all glory to Him.

Recently, I read something that spoke to me on a deep level. It wasn't an exact quote, so I'll just repeat it to the best of my recollection: (As mothers), our greatest fear in life should never be failure; instead, our greatest fear in life should be succeeding in things that, in the end, are not important.

I hope this encourages someone who struggles with hurry to make a resolution of what I like to call "forced focus", to refuse to be in a hurry, in body or in mind. To find whatever it is that is pulling you away, and to just say "no", or even "wait". And really, I guess that's the whole thing: If we can learn to say "wait" or "no" to what doesn't matter, then we can say "yes" and "yes, even now!" to what does. I, for one, have had it backwards for far too long.

Blessings,
Em

Christmas FUN!

Christmas this year was so much FUN!

We started out Tuesday night going to my Grandmother's. We didn't decide till last minute to go, as my extended family had all had the dreaded stomach virus the week before and we were really NOT interested in being sick on Christmas! Finally, my tender-hearted Mark decided it would be best to go, and we had a great time...AND no sickies! Thank you, Lord!

Snuggies! The girls all got one, and they were tickled!


My sister Lane's little boy, Kyle. We can't wait for little Betsy Lane to arrive in February!

My brother, Ben & my niece, Addie Grace

Me & my sweet grandmother, who would KILL me if she knew I posted this! She was in the middle of saying "Are you smiling?" when I took the shot!

Wednesday was spent baking and cooking. I made 175 cookies and several dips for the gathering that would take place here on Christmas night. That evening, my sister & brother-in-law came over to visit and have a humble dinner of tomato soup and grilled cheese. My kids ADORE Kenny, my sister's husband, and they wore him out running, wrestling, and playing hide and seek. This gave Mark the night off, and he did a puzzle with Kate while Molly & I got to visit.

Christmas Eve! I love this day almost as much as Christmas day. Two Christmas gatherings: Mark's family and then my sister's family! Mark got called into work that morning and was gone until 8:30 p.m. We missed him terribly, but had plenty of distractions! It was fun to see some people I'd not seen in nearly 20 years!

That night, after the kids were FINALLY all tucked in bed, Mark & I got assembling gifts and laying out stockings. We did all this while watching Christmas with the Kranks, one of my favorites. It was nearly 1:00 a.m. when we finally called it a night!

Christmas morning, the kids were up at 7:00 and came to get us up before heading to the den to open gifts. I love watching them! Sam of course loved his "big tractors" (Mark got him so many!), and even the older girls were just thrilled with their dollhouse, a last minute purchase we made when Mark decided they needed something else "fun" to open. He's such a good Daddy!

Rachie with the new doll house. It was a HUGE hit with all three girls. Group gifts are the way to go!

My Sam with just a few of his many tractors, trucks, cars, train, and tractor-trailers.

After a leisurely morning, we headed to my mom's for a delicious brunch. My mom is a great cook, and she always works so hard to make this brunch SO good! She does it all herself, too. I did bring Mocha Punch, but all the rest was made by Mama: Garlic Cheese Grits, Breakfast Casserole, Sausage-cheese Muffins, Blueberry-Cream Cheese Pastry, Biscuits, and Hashbrown Casserole. It's the meal I look forward to the most all Christmas season, and I stuffed myself!

We came home to put littles down for a nap, then I got last minute things done for my Dad, sister, brother and their families to come over Christmas night. Thankfully, because I'd worked hard Wednesday, there wasn't much to do, so it was kind of like "coasting".

Finally, everyone arrived, and we snacked, opened gifts, and snacked some more! Then we had to take lots of pictures. I love pictures, but usually, I forget to take them. My sister, Molly, though, is much better about them, and makes sure we always get plenty when we're all together (which is rare b/c they live in Spokane)!

My dad bought Sam a Nerf gun that looks like a small missile launcher! He has to hold it up on his shoulder like a big bazooka to shoot it and it holds like 35 nerf bullets. He loved it, but I think Mark & Kenny loved it more! There were darts flying all night!

John Rush, my littlest nephew!

Dad (no, it's not Walter Matthau) and his kids!

Mark & Molly!

My sister Molly, with Kenny, John Rush & her mom, Michelle.

Riley, Mary & Hudson

Me & my sweet man!

I love this shot! I think it's hilarious, everyone scrambling to get ready for the big family photo. Dad's just standing there waiting till everyone else is situated!

This is the final shot of the Williams family Christmas!

I'm very sad that Christmas is over! It's truly my favorite time of the year. I really don't care how much the world commercializes it. For me, celebrating the beginning of our redemption (Christ was born to die) with my wonderful family is sacred.

I'll leave you with this final picture that I took this morning. It tickles me because it shows so truly what daily life looks like in our house full of girls and this one little boy!

Sam was taking shots at the doll house dad all morning! Of course Mark thought it was hysterical. The girls, not so much!

I hope everyone had a delightful Christmas!

Blessings,
Em

Merry Christmas!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Lu Lu Mo

"Lu lu mo" is what Rachel used to say after I said "I love you". It means, "I love you more". I remember the day she stopped saying it. I was heartbroken. My baby girl was getting big!

Today she is turning four!

Rachel Christine, named for my great grandmother, is one of my chief joys in life. Sweet Rachel, who smiles with her whole face. Our home is full of laughter because of her! Oh, this girl makes me so happy!

Happy Birthday, Rachie Bug, and just for the record, "Lu lu mo".

My First Half Marathon!

As most of you know, this past weekend, I headed to Memphis to run the St. Jude Half Marathon. Two weeks prior, I had stopped running in an attempt to let an over-use injury heal before the race, so I was a little anxious about the race. Then a couple of days before, I started to have my usual anxiety (and guilt) over leaving my kids, farming them out all over to go run this race. The night before I was supposed to leave I was really playing with the idea of not running it.

Then two things happened: Thursday night about 9:00, Lynn and Kelly offered to share their hotel room with us, and Mark agreed to go! All along, the plan had been that I was going up with some other girl friends, then Mark was going to come up on Saturday. But the closer it got, the more I really wanted Mark to be with me on Friday night. I am always more at ease with him around!

So, it took some last minute maneuvering, but thanks to my Mom, who agreed to come here and stay with the kids, we were able to go up together Friday afternoon!

When we got to Memphis, we were happy to find our hotel directly across the street from the Expo, so we parked and walked right over, where I picked up my t-shirt, chip and number, then we met up with Lynn & Kelly, and Roan & Jimmy.

At the expo, there was this booth with all these headband/earwarmer things. Roan and Lynn had already picked out theirs, so I went over to the table to browse. I was looking for my standard solid black (or white), but Roan and Lynn, both the queens of colorful, wouldn't let me play it safe! The thing was, I'd found the fleece I was wearing to race in on sale...but it was PURPLE. Emily doesn't do purple! I pretty much only have black, white, gray and brown in my closet, with the occassional red or pink thrown in... and now, I'm going to be wearing not only a bright purple shirt, but this loud headband, too?? I felt like I was in someone else's skin! In the end, I found one I could live with, AND a solid black one, just in case I chickened out of the pretty one! We laughed at ourselves as Roan told us she'd read a quote that said runners who wear full make up aren't fast...and they don't care that they're not fast! I guess that applies to earrings and gaudy headwear, too!

Our little group of runners (and Mark) outside the expo.

Me, Roan, Santa, & Lynn, in the hotel lobby.

Another lobby picture...I need lipstick!

After some pictures, we headed out to Spaghetti Warehouse for our pre-race pasta, then back to the hotel lobby for some coffee, more visiting, and lots of laughs! Back at our room, Lynn & I got out everything for the race, while Mark got directly in the bed, and Kelly cracked jokes! Then we tried to get some sleep. I finally did fall asleep, but it was that just-on-the-verge-of-sleep kind, and so when the alarm went off at 5:00, I was ready to get up!

We all met in the lobby of our hotel at 6:00 for coffee, and our friends Julie & Yonea met us there, along with Megan and Russ, and Stephen. I should mention that during all of this, Mark is snoozing it up back at the room, in the warm bed complete with a down comforter!

Jimmy had given us cath lab gowns to wear downtown till the race started, and I was surprised at how well they worked to knock the chill off! Did I mention it was FREEZING outside?

Here we are in our colorful headgear!

Roan & I having warming up with coffee before heading out in the COLD!

Our group just before heading out. Notice the cath gowns! I'm not in this shot because I was getting a mocha with double espresso to go! Kelly is not in this shot because he'd come to rush me up and help me tie my gown!

We walked with many other runners the mile or so to the stadium, where we checked in our bags, then went to find our starting corrals. This whole process was surprisingly smooth and quick. Before we knew it, we were coming out of the cath gowns and getting ready to start!

I am typically a race hater, as far as 5Ks go, so I was prepared to be unimpressed by this, too, but I was so wrong. There is nothing quite like running with 15, 000 of your closest friends through downtown streets lined with people shouting "Good Luck!", "Go Runners!", and "We Love You!" (parents of St. Jude kids). Those parents made me cry! Then there were the signs. I saw a couple of men holding signs that said "You're Doing Great! If it were easy, I'D be doing it!" These made me laugh!

A few miles in, we ran right through the St. Jude campus. The signs there said things like "Thank You!" and "Blisters don't need Chemo". There were a few of the kids out cheering, too, and the whole thing was just amazing. I was all teary-eyed when we left there!

About mile six, the twinge in my leg became, well, more than a twinge, but still entirely manageable. Lynn & I chatted through a neighborhood, and I met a couple that lived in that neighborhood that were running beside us. I was amazed at how quickly the mile markers came! Before I knew it we were at mile eight!

Somewhere around the ninth mile marker, the pain at the top of my leg shot down the back of my leg down into the arch of my foot... and that's how I ran the last four miles. I watched Lynn go farther ahead, as I got slower and slower. Finally, I put in my ipod, found a manageable pace, and just ran. No more water stops, no more looking at my surroundings. At that point, I was just focused on putting one foot in front of the other and finishing! Those last miles are a blur to me in retrospect. All I know is that when they were done, when I crossed that finish line, I found a place on the grass and literally cried with relief!

In the end, I finished 7+ minutes over my goal time. Any other time, I would've been so upset by that, but not this time! I knew for a fact that I'd done my very best, and I know that not many months ago, I would've used the pain as an excuse to walk or even quit. The girl who finished this race was a different person than the one who started running this past April. As much as I'd hoped and prayed that I could run the whole race without pain, I wouldn't change it. If I'd not HAD to run through it, I wouldn't know that I could.

This is actually a picture of Roan finishing (in turquiose). I posted it to show you all the mylar blankets they gave out to help us stay warm after the race.

As cold as it was, it wasn't too bad in the beginning. And by mile three, I couldn't get out of my fleece outer layer fast enough! But, after the race was over, and our body temps dropped, wearing clothes soaked in sweat, we were FREEZING! I'm talking trembling from the inside out, miserably cold. I don't remember ever being so cold in my life! At least there was hot soup and hot chocolate there, and Mark gave me his warm gloves to replace my sweaty ones!

I am so proud of all of us who ran and finished Saturday! The entire experience was so memorable, more fun than I've had in recent memory. For all my complaining during training, my dreading it just days before, and even that horrible last four miles...I wouldn't have missed it for the world!

Our last picture of the trip! This was after Jimmy finished his FULL marathon, and after we'd all had a change of clothes!

Great friends, a fair amount of coffee, good food, running, and lots and lots of laughter: all my favorite things wrapped up into a fabulous two days. Like an early Christmas present! I can not wait until next year!

On a sad note, I now have to stop running for 4-6 weeks, until my leg heals completely. I just want to cry every time I think about it, but I know it's necessary if I want to keep running long term, and I so do! So for the next few weeks, I'll be all about the elliptical and the weights. And NOT all about the sugar! I have to remember now that I'm not training for a half marathon any more; no more 10, 11, or 12 mile runs to burn off tons of calories. Now I have to be a little more restrained in the treats department!

So, to all of you who haven't done this, you've got a whole year to prepare! Believe me, you WANT to do it! Get out the running shoes and hit the road!

Blessings,
Em

This Morning's Warmth

It was 3:45, and from the room next door I heard a faint little cry and a muffled "Mama". My Rachel was having a dream, and needed me to come in and touch her, kiss her, pull her covers up and whisper, "shhh".

Once back in bed, thoughts began pouring unbidden into my mind. Don't forget to charge ipod for race Saturday. Is the Garmin charged? How many sets of clothes should I pack for the girls? Will I get it all done today? Sausage would be good for breakfast, and I could save some for homemade pizzas later...

Then I turned my heart to prayer (Lord, I need your Truth today). Surely now I could sleep. When I finally dared look at the clock, I was astonished to see that it was after 5:00. No need to sleep now.

So I got up to help Mark off to work, but before he left, we built a fire. As I was sitting on the hearth, stirring the fledgling fire to life, I was suddenly so thankful for warmth. Literal warmth from the fire, and the warmth in my heart as I looked around my little house. Little evidences of the ones I love, the gaudy tree lights that we all insist on every year, the little package Lia wrapped herself...

Gratitude brought new energy to this tired mind, and I could feel contentment seeping in.

It's always, always the simple things that satisfy.


I hope you find comfort and warmth today in the sweet and simple gifts from the Father.

Blessings,
Em

Upward I Look and See Him There...

My heart is full this morning with the thought of Christ, standing in Heaven to plead for me, to offer Himself, His RIGHTEOUSNESS to the Father on my behalf.

The thought of standing before the throne of God by myself scares me to death. I literally tremble at the thought. But, when I remember that Christ stands there, too, as my Righteousness, then fear is replaced with pure wonderment, and an overwhelming love for Him...

We sing this song at church sometimes. Lately, it's been on my heart so much, and this verse in particular ministers comfort to my soul.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin.
Because the sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free.
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me.

If you've never listened to the whole song, please click on the title. I promise it will be worth it!

Before the Throne of God Above

Blessings,
Em